How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
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his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
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I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
God I need to hump something, right now.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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