I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
