well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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