in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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