i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
