So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
