I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
