2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
