I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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