I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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