thus making me awesome and them whores
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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