I just cut my nipple shaving
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
