dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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