If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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