We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
