I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
