And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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