I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
