Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
