You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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