I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
