she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I intend to get homeless drunk
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
