i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
