My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
