he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I still have a little drunk in my system
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
