Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
