Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
