I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
this just has baby written all over it
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize