I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
