I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
