my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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