Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
he just fucked me for my cheese.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
