I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
