Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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