if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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