If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
