Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
