It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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