mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
