Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
