winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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