I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
