Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
of course. lets lasso hookers.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
