Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
