I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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