You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
