I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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