your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
is your mom at the bar?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no you cant smoke seaweed
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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