she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
