very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
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