i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
