the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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