Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
