you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
