Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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