wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
