That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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