i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
