i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Damn victory sex feels great
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
