If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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