If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
