i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
