Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
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I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
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We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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