Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
