yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize