Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
