party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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