I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize