can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
