so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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