i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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