Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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