It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
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