I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
