I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
